Newspaper Archive of
The Big Timber Pioneer
Big Timber, Montana
August 30, 2002     The Big Timber Pioneer
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August 30, 2002

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Page 4 -- BIG TIMBER (MT) PIONEER -- Week of Aug. 30 - Sept. 5, 2002 Your comments welcome Send to: The Pioneer, P.O. Box 830, Bico Timber, MT 59011 Include Phone # \ Just For Fun Weird signs Spotted in a toilet of a London office: TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW In a Laundromat:AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN? Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS On a repair shop door:WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK) To Pun is Human I. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired. 2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway). 3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 4. A backwards poet writes inverse. 5. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes. 6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but she broke it off. 7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. 8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed. 9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress. 10. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat miner. 11. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. 28. Acupuncture is a jab well 12. The man who fell into andone. upholstery machine is now fully29. Marathon runners with bad recovered, footwear suffer the agony of defeat. 13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. Friendship all the way 14. You feel stuck with your A Friend does most or all of debt if you can't budge it. these... 15. He often broke into song(A)ccepts you as you are because he couldn't find the key. (B)elieves in "you" 16. Every calendar's days are (C)alls you just to say "HI" numbered. (D)oesn't give up ! ! on you 17. A lot of money is tainted. It (E)nvisions the whole of you (even taint yours and it taint mine. the unfinished parts) 18. A boiled egg in the (F)orgives your mistakes morning is hard to beat. (G)ives unconditionally 19. He had a photographic (H)elpsyou memory that was never developed. (I)nvites you over 20. A plateau is a high form of (J)ust "be" with you llattery. (K)eeps you close at heart 21. The short fortuneteller who (L)oves you for who you are escaped from prison was a small (M)akes a difference in your life medium at large. (N)ever Judges 22. Those who get too big for (O)ffer support their britches will be exposed in the (P)icks you up end. (Q)uiets your fears 23. Once you've seen one (R)aises your spirits shopping center you've seen a (S)ays nice things about you mall. (T)ells you the truth when you need 24. Those who jump off a Paris to hear it bridge are in Seine. (U)nderstands you 25. When an actress saw her (V)alues you first strands of gray hair she thought (W)alks beside you she'ddye. (X)-plains thing you don't 26. Bakers trade bread recipes on understand a knead to know basis. (Y)ells when you won't listen and 27. Santa's helpers are (Z)aps you back to reality, subordinate clauses. -- Submitted by a friend To use of Big PRICES: Sweet G County, Point Springdale Montana " USA - Inquire for Foreign, Class SINGLE Send your Informatioo to: BIG TIMBEB PIONEER 105 W. 2nd Av~ P.O. Box 830 . Big Timber, Montana 5901: Phone: ( 9324931 FaX 1-800-253-460Z THE BIG PION Publisher: Dale C, Editor: Rebecca B. Reporters: Jan Cou~td' Candy Buster Columnists: Ellie Ursino Advertising: Circulation: Chris Esta blished in Official Newspaper o[i Timber and Sweet Member: Montana Association, Helena, Pioneer Company The Big (USPS0559-6000) is published every Friday by Publishing Co., MT. Periodicals postage p~ Big Timber, MT. POSTMASTER: changes to Big Pioneer, 105 W. SecondJ P.O. Box 830 Big Timber, MT 5901 PHONE (406) FAX (406) 932-4931 YEARLY SUBSCRIPTION PRICES: Sweet Grass Reed Point & Springdale - $34 Montana - $42 USA. $50 Inquire .rot Foreig~ First Class rates